Hercules

There's a scene in Hercules where Dwayne Johnson throws a horse. The horse is running at him, then he picks it up, and he throws it.

It's an actual scene from the movie and normally one such as that would pretty much seal the deal for me. Unfortunately, such gleefully silly moments like that one are few and far between in Hercules, and instead the movie awkwardly skirts the line between campy fantasy yarn and middle of the road sword and sandal adventure.


Dwayne Johnson has a had a pretty frustrating career in film. The man is a charming mother fucker, and he's been great in The Rundown, The Fast & Furious franchise, and of course his amazing performance in Pain & Gain.  He's done some family films and comedies in between, all of which vary in terms of quality. But god damn if this guy doesn't know how to look into a camera and charm the fuck out of you. The problem though, is that Johnson has yet to really have that ONE role that really catapults him. He's done great work helping other franchises, but he deserves one to call his own.

To be honest, I never felt like Hercules was going to be the movie or character that did this for Johnson, especially with Brett Ratner at the helm, but that didn't mean it couldn't be a fun time. And what's really frustrating is that the movie often threatens to become fun. Dwayne is such a self aware performer as it is, and there are moments when you can tell he's totally open to going full camp and have fun with it. For example, immediately after he throws that horse, he turns to the camera and says " Fucking centaurs." And don't worry, that line doesn't make sense even in the context of the film itself, but I laughed and wished the film had given him more opportunities like that.


Instead, Ratner and the studio felt it a better idea to deliver a pretty standard period epic. Hercules even comes with a rag tag team included, all of whom are just as bad ass as the demigod himself, at least that's what the filmmakers tell us. We do get a few set pieces that show how their team dynamic works in battle, but it's nothing really special, with multiple shots of our heroes walking through battle and killing an enemy that was running up behind them at the last possible second. Ugh.


I guess I really wanted this movie to embrace the fantasy elements of its story. The film opens with Hercules going on his 12 labors for the gods as he fights a lion, water dragons and a giant boar, or basically all the cool shots from the trailer. Shortly after that awesome opening we find out its all just stories he used to up his street cred. So disappointing.

I had pretty low expectations for Hercules, hoping for nothing more than seeing The Rock fight imaginary creatures and yell " I. AM. HERCULES!" every five minutes. Unfortunately the movie couldn't even deliver that, instead leaving Al Swearengen himself to pick up the slack and deliver the films one rousing moment. Such a waste.


Dwayne Johnson is still the shit, though.