I used to call myself a "Bay enthusiast". Bad Boys and The Rock, coming out just a year apart from each other, were quite the one-two punch debut for the former music video and commercial director. Both of those became action staples in the Hunt household almost immediately, with The Rock in particular catching my interest as it introduced me to the one, the only, Nic Cage (ALL HAIL CAGE).
Armageddon only solidified Bay's standing in my eyes by having Bruce Willis and Ben Affleck save the world by finding and drilling oil on an asteroid racing toward Earth and saving the world's economy in the process (or wait...). Anyway, I cry every time I watch it AND GUESS WHAT I'M SMART.
But let's be real here, Bad Boys II is the greatest trash masterpiece of all time. Gleefully inappropriate, insanely over the top and filled with some of the best action that Bay has ever put on screen, Bad Boys II is what puts Bay in the Hall of Fame for me. (What Hall of Fame is that, you ask? SHUT UP).
Now, it's safe to say that in the time since, Bay has never been able to reach the heights of that buddy cop action sequel (though he tried damn hard and came close with Pain & Gain) but my love for him remained the same.
And then he made Transformers.
Honestly, I really like the first one. Actually, I love it. It's big, it's dumb and it's fun. I think at the time Bay was the perfect, and perhaps, only choice to bring such a stupid cartoon (get over it, nerds) to the big screen. Pure popcorn entertainment.
The second is a chore to sit through admittedly, but I remember liking it (though it's possible I was clouded by my Bay enthusiasm), and I think the third one gets a lot of undeserved hate, as it features a ton of great and ridiculous action.
*Sigh* But Age of Extinction is borderline unwatchable. Clocking in at almost 3 hours, I somehow managed to watch this garbage more than once, though on my third go round (look, I'M SICK OK?) I had forgotten most of the movie and was positive I was almost finished only to discover I had over an hour left and promptly turned it off.
To me, Bay had lost it, or perhaps even worse, he no longer cared.
You see, I like movies. I know we live in a time where we are offered more than ever before, and if you're paying attention, there are actually a shit ton of great films of all shapes and sizes and budgets and blood types, easily and readily available for your viewing pleasure.
But sometimes, well, sometimes I want Michael Bay movies.
And over the course of a decade it just felt like the Transformers franchise had taken it out of Bay. Sure, he was able to sneak in the previously mentioned Pain & Gain, but the overall response to that film was mostly underwhelming, leading the director to his absolute worst effort with the fourth morphing robot movie. The Bay I knew and loved was dead. And so, it felt, was I.
So when a fifth car robot motion picture was announced with Bay directing, I really didn't care. I watched 13 Hours, and while watchable, it was still but a flicker of what the director used to be.
Transformers 5 came and went. Critics had never been kind to the franchise, but this time even audiences didn't care, as the film delivered the lowest box office grosses of all five movies. "So what?", I thought, as I watched Batman & Robin for the 47th time.
Then something funny happened. I saw that Transformers: The Last Knight was streaming on Hulu, and wouldn't you know it, I felt a hint of curiosity. I had heard nothing good of the Mark Wahlberger blockbuster, and his presence certainly didn't help the previous installment. But still, I had to know.
So I did it. I fucking watched it. I fucking watched the entire goddamn 2 hour and 20 minute thing.
And I kind of liked it.
Be careful. I'm not saying it's good. It's just, well, it's crazy. It begins with Merlin (you know, the wizard) drunk on a horse on his way to meet with King Arthur and all of them other knights to fight side by side with Transformers to save the world. I don't really know why and I don't really care, but I can say I thought it was very silly and very insane in a way that reminded me of the Bay I once loved.
Cut forward to present day where transformers are being hunted by the TRF (whatever) and are seeking sanctuary either in Cuba (!) or Wahlbergies junk yard. The Merlin stuff eventually comes back into play over an hour later, though I couldn't tell you how, but honestly I was just glad to see that Bay was back to not giving a shit, but in a good way.
The action scenes here have more life in them than the entirety of the previous entry, and I think I actually laughed like twice at some of the jokes, both times coming from a butler transformer who is actually the only funny thing to ever come out of the franchise. (Seriously, the transformers themselves have always been the worst part of these movies, with blood boiling dialogue and even worse racial stereotypes).
More than anything, it seemed like Bay was trying again. He even got Anthony Hopkins, who is not a stranger to simply collecting a paycheck, to give his all even while arguing with John Turturro over the phone about....well honestly it doesn't fucking matter. Point is even Hopkins was having a good time.
Shit. I realize this turned into a short essay about loving and missing Michael Bay, and I'm basically just giving Transformers 5 a back handed compliment by saying that I wanted to watch trash and trash is what I got, but I have to admit that it gave me a little hope. I could see Bay having some fun again and I really hope he gets his groove back.
Here's hoping that he is forever done with robots that change, and that he gets back to making good, old fashion action Bayhem like he did in the 90s. Give Nic a call, Michael. I think y'all could be good for each other again.
