Pain and Gain

Hey dudes. I've seen more than a few movies since Evil Dead, and you can find reviews of those films here.

However, as awesome as it is to have the opportunity to write for Cary Citizen, I have to admit my one displeasure with the experience so far.

They wouldn't let me review Pain and Gain.

Oh well, I went and saw it on my own so here goes nothing.

First things first, I'm a Bay enthusiast. I love it all. I even own the criterion versions of The Rock and Armageddon because duh. He's been busy with robot movies for 6 years now, and while I love robots I was more than ready to see Bay return to the chaotic artistry he so brilliantly displayed in his action masterpiece, Bad Boys II. Thankfully, Pain and Gain does not disappoint and Bay gleefully brings us the true story of 3 bodybuilders who kidnap and torture a local Miami millionaire until he signs all of his riches over to them.

What's most remarkable about Pain and Gain isn't the fact that this really happened, it's how it happened. These guys were absolute morons, and there is no way things should have gotten as far as they did simply due to their own stupidity. Things like buckling up their victim when trying to murder him in a car wreck because it's against the law not to, for example. And Bay could not have found better actors to portray these hulking wanna be thieves. 

Mark Wahlberg has always excelled at comedy and has gotten better as a performer as the years went on, but when he goes to full on idiot mode there's no stopping him. His character, Danny, believes he deserves the American dream because well, look at him, he's ripped. Forget hard work and determination, Danny just knows he is worth it and when he sees an opportunity to steal everything from a self-made millionaire douche-bag, he jumps at the chance. Walhberg adapts to director Bay's style of chaotic excess perfectly and nails every ridiculous line after another, my personal favorite being that he can handle the situation because, as he puts it, "I've seen a lot of movies." Just brilliant.

Anthony Mackie also does a great job as Walhberg's co-worker who has recently felt some serious effects from steroid use. Mackie actually has some of the best lines in the movie and in a true testament to his performance, his character almost comes off as likable, a serious achievement considering the things these guys did.

But of course, the one and only Dwayne Johnson steals the show in a hilarious performance that starts at Jesus freak and goes all the way to coke fiend. His scene at a local neighborhood watch meeting is one of the best in the movie, and it convinces me that he can do no wrong as a performer. Seriously, he is amazing and I love him.

I really hope Bay makes more movies like this. Yes, I love it when he does mass destruction with what seems like an unlimited budget, but with Pain and Gain he spent pennies compared to his other movies which allowed him free reign to do exactly what he wanted. The result is a hilarious and unbelievable tale of excess and selfishness that only a director like Bay could deliver.


Oh, and before I go here is a great video from Badass Digest defending Michael Bay in all his glory.


I will be seeing Iron Man 3 this Friday and should have a review on Cary Citizen not too long after that.

So until then, dudes.

Evil Dead

Hey dudes.

As you may have already noticed, I've started yet another blog. There's nothing wrong with the last one but since I have come across an amazing opportunity to write some reviews for Cary Citizen , I figured I'd start a new one that could be linked in those reviews that's slightly less casual. So, from now on expect to find all movie related thoughts here. 

First up, Evil Dead. 

I did not have extremely high expectations going into to this movie. At best, I hoped for something fun with some really gory and awesome practical effects. And to be fair, the effects really are amazing. Almost completely devoid of anything CG, the movie goes out of its way to prove that practical is the way to go when it comes to horror. Aside from those amazing effects though, this remake has almost zero tension and not one genuinely good scare.  

I hate to be that guy, too. That "But the original is always better" guy. But man, The Evil Dead rules. I've met countless fans of that movie over the years, and the most interesting thing about them is that everyone loves the original for different reasons. Some love it because they believe it's so bad it's good and some love it because they believe it's genuinely scary. To be honest, I don't get the 'so bad it's good' argument. I mean, the original just WORKS. Yes, it's cheap. And yes, it's oh so 80s. But it also has two ridiculously young and talented talents working harder than ever before to create something truly special; Sam Raimi and Bruce Campbell. When I first watched The Evil Dead, I screamed and squirmed and had to look away from the screen multiple times. And I loved every second of it. 

With it's remake though, I never had to take my eyes off the screen. Talk about disappointing. 

Again, the effects are awesome, but that's the only effort the movie puts in. Every character is bland and makes terrible choices. Now, I know you can't have a cabin in the woods movie like this without at least one person making terrible choices but after a movie like (ahem) The Cabin in the Woods satirized the cliches of horror so well and so lovingly it would seem that filmmakers would take note and at least put an ounce of motivation behind those choices. In the original, I completely bought the way the demons are unleashed. Raimi builds some curiosity and suspense around the moment that the entire movie rests on, and he kills it. In the remake though, one guy just reads a book that almost literally screams "DON'T READ THIS BOOK!". 

And you know, I could easily forgive such moments if any of the characters were remotely likeable or slightly charismatic. But instead all we get are potential victims. I realize there is only one Bruce Campbell, and the film is wise to completely avoid recreating the character of Ash, but the movie could have at least given me someone to root for. 

The biggest fault of the film has to be its complete lack of any scares or even tense moments. Instead of building tension and earning any payoff, first time director Fede Alvarez decides that going for the obvious 'Gotcha!' moment multiple times was the best way to go, resulting in a boring and tedious horror film. 

I was entirely ready to at least have some fun with Evil Dead. I didn't mind just sitting back and enjoying the gore, but there is literally nothing else going for this movie. 

One last thing, the dialogue over the closing credits and the tag that follows are especially frustrating. On their own, they are ridiculously cool, but paired with the movie that proceeds them it just seems like the filmmakers are making promises they can't keep, or at least live up to.