Cage Rage

Nicolas Cage is a goddamn hero. The man has made so many good movies. Wild at Heart, Leaving Las Vegas, Raising Arizona, Con Air, The Rock, Face/Off, Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans, just to name a few. But in the past few years, he has become a bit of a laughing stock. The internet certainly hasn't helped (or has it?), nor have direct to video offerings like Stolen, The Frozen Ground, or Seeking Justice.

But then I saw Joe, David Gordon Green's drama about a guy named Joe that hates cops, people who shoot him, and homeless dads that beat their hard working sons. The film itself is fantastic, but the fucking incredible performance by Cage is what sends this already great film over the top. His character is one filled with regret, constantly having to keep his rage at bay. Even with small bursts of violence, Cage is actually quite nuanced in the film, filled with bits of odd humor and great humility that only someone like Cage can deliver.

I've met numerous people in the past few years who've never known Cage to be anything other than a joke. Granted, these people are children compared to my old age, but they've only known him as the man who saved the Declaration of Independence, or this. Or, as I mentioned earlier, as the star of numerous recent films that look and feel as if they were made 15 years ago. So I can't blame them, really. And to be fair, I also enjoy watching Cage in a film called Rage as much as the next guy. Shit, The Wicker Man is one of the all time great "How does this exist?" films, top to bottom.

But when Cage goes and delivers one of his best performances and reminds people that he really is the shit, I expect people to take notice. Yet Joe came and went. Honestly, I get it. It's a small independently made film, and was never going to get a huge release. And Green, when not working with the likes of Seth Rogen or Danny McBride, tends to make realistic and unsettling films that rarely reach mainstream audiences. But damnit, the film was great, and was even met with high praise (!) from the film community.


So what the fuck? Even with all the shit that has made up his career the last 15 years or so, Cage seems to come back every few years with a genuinely great performance. For every Windtalkers, there's an Adaptation. Bangkok Dangerous sucks, you say? How about Matchstick Men? "But Jordan, Captain Corelli's Mandolin was terrible!" "Fuck you, Lord of War is great!" Ok fine, those are all at least 10 years old. Well, he was amazing and hilarious in Kick-Ass, and his reprisal of Ghost Rider in Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance was the kind of lunacy that us true Cage fans know and love.

Why then is this beloved icon sitting in Hollywood's shitter? And before you say " Well he did it to himself, not paying taxes blah blah blah." Fuck that. Hollywood loves a comeback, and Cage's performance in Joe is just that, even though he never actually stopped being great.

Look, I guess all I'm saying is, please don't forget about the Cage. Don't forget how good he can be. How funny he can be. How fucking insane he can be. The man is a legend, and he deserves to be treated as such.

John Wick

Well guys, I love this movie. I love it so much. Even with a fair amount of hype and expectations, John Wick turned out to be every bit as enjoyable and exciting as I wanted it to be thanks to some great casting, confident world building, and amazingly staged action.

As a whole, John Wick is a pretty simple movie with a straightforward revenge plot. Wick, once a very successful hit man, is grieving the loss of his wife when he finds out she arranged for a puppy to be delivered on the night of her funeral so that he can still have something to love. Not two days later though, the scummy son of the local crime lord, who has no idea who Wick is mind you, sneaks into Wick's home, beats him to hell, steals his car and then goes and kills his god damned dog. 

Mother fucker.

 Shit gets real from there, with Wick going on quite the rampage shooting as many people in the face as possible. 

Again, this is all pretty straightforward, and some could even argue standard, for an action movie (if shooting people in the face isn't standard for an action movie by now, it certainly should be). But directors David Leitch, Chad Stahelski and writer Derek Kolstad have fun playing with the little details of the movie. 

As Wick walks back into his old life, we are given little bits of information here and there as to how this particular world of hit men works, but for the most part it's presented as is. A "take it or leave it" kind of attitude, and I love it. 

For example, as Wick digs up his old stash of weapons, included are numerous gold coins. Wick uses them to get into "The Continental", the local hotel that caters specifically to hit men. It's clear that these coins aren't just used for currency, but more of a symbol or gesture, for what exactly we're never told. The movie is filled with little nuggets like this, a history only hinted at if you will, and it makes for a lot of fun. 

The cast of this movie is also quite ridiculous. John Leguizamo and Ian McShane pop up for maybe 2 minutes each, but their respective scenes are made that much better simply because it's John Leguizamo and Ian McShane. In fact, the more I think about Leguizamo's scene the more I love it. He shows up early, right after Wick has been robbed. He runs some kind of car stealing racket, and that scum of a son shows up on his door step with Wick's car. Instantly he can tell just how bad shit is going to get, and Leguizamo sells it perfectly. 

Then you have Willem Dafoe being awesome as Willem Dafoe does. Lance Reddick and Clarke Peters ( Lt. Daniels and Det. Lester Freamon, you know, from THE WIRE) pop up briefly and it's amazing just because. Alfie Allen, of Game of Thrones fame, stars as the scummy son and he plays scummy really well. From the first moment you see him you kind of just want to see him be shot in the face. SPOILER- you get to see him shot in the face. 

I'm gonna take a moment now and brag about Adrienne Palicki. Personally, I know and love her from the Friday Night Lights television show. She was great in it (despite a horrible 2nd season plotline) but outside of that she hasn't really had the best of luck. In John Wick though, she makes the most of her bit part, including a show stopping fight between her and our titular hero. It shows just how great of a screen presence she can be, as well as how great of an action performer she is. 

This is the directing debut for Leitch and Stahelski, but if you look at their IMDB pages here and here, it will come as no surprise that the action on display in John Wick is as good as it is.  Easy to follow and filled with many, many gunshots to the face. Even in the darkest of settings, the rookie directors make sure you can tell exactly what is happening, not to mention the fact that the action itself is damn exciting. 

And of course, this brings us to Keanu. I've always loved Keanu, and always will. I honestly don't think he receives enough credit. Sure, he's not the most versatile, but paired with the right director, the right script, he can be quite effective. As he's aged ( has he?) he seems to have a self awareness now, and he's been making choices that really play to his strengths, and the action genre is most definitely one of his strengths. In short, Keanu kicks fucking ass in this movie. The directors give us numerous shots of Reeves doing his own stunts, both in fight scenes and car chases, and he's a natural. I completely believe that he could destroy me (as I believe most people could), and even better is that Reeves seems to be having just as much fun doing this stuff as the audience is watching him. 

Dudes, I really, really love this movie. It's fun, brutal and it features an adorable puppy (that dies *aww* and then gets REVENGED!). Watch John Wick. Watch it, and love it.  

The Equalizer

The Equalizer, starring Denzel Washington, is an adaptation of the 1980s television show in which a retired intelligence officer offers his services to people who feel the odds are stacked against them.

I've never seen an episode of the TV show, but having seen the movie I can absolutely tell you it's not a very good (or at least faithful) adaptation. In fact, it's apparent the film makers only called this film The Equalizer for brand recognition, as the only trace of similarity the film shares with the show (aside from the lead characters name) comes at the tail end of the movie, and even then it feels like the filmmakers tacked it on at the last minute when they realized actual fans of the show might want to see a movie called The Equalizer have something in common with the television show on which it's based.

OK, the same argument could be said for the adaptation of The A-Team a few years ago. The film served as a set up for a franchise of course, and only during the end credits of the film was there a mention of the team being soldiers for hire. But, you know, at least the film tried to make the characters recognizable from the show, as well as embodying the same sense of fun and adventure that made the show so easy to watch. Honestly, I really enjoyed that movie and I thought it was a great set up for further adventures, but I digress.


I know it's weird to be so upset about a failed adaptation of a television program I never watched, but it really bothers me that since the filmmakers couldn't make a fun or entertaining movie with Denzel Washington kicking ass and taking names (which has been done several times before, to my great enjoyment) I at least figured they would make an effort to TRY an actual adaptation of the show. Instead, director Antoine Fuqua clumsily goes back and forth between  TGIF sitcom sweetness to extreme, over the top violence, resulting in an awkward tone that never finds its groove.

Actually, Fuqua's previous film, Olympus Has Fallen had similar problems. The tone of that movie was a little more consistent, but it all felt a little forced, like Fuqua thought he was making more of a badass action film than he actually was. The violence in that film was extremely graphic as well, almost too much so like The Equalizer. Normally I'm all for over the top and gratuitous violence, but Fuqua seems to have no real understanding of how to use the violence for any kind of impact on the viewer. Usually such violence in film in used to elicit some kind of response from the audience, whether it's visceral or dramatic or entertaining or funny, it can be quite a tool for any gifted filmmaker.

But Fuqua seems to think that just by putting graphic violence onscreen that we will cheer it on. After all, Denzel is killing some really bad guys. But it all just comes off as ugly as opposed to fun.

As I mentioned earlier though, the films worst offense is probably the tone. As the film opens, Washington is helping a fellow employee at his Home Depot-like store to lose weight so he can qualify for a security job at said store. The interaction between the two characters and all the other employees is so sweet and silly and contrived that it feels like Family Matters with cursing. It gets even weirder during the films big climax when those characters meet up with the main villains, a group of Russian mobsters (!), and another sequence of out of place violence ensues.


Chloe Grace Moretz is all but wasted as the teenage hooker that serves as the catalyst for getting Washington out of retirement. I'm not sure if it's a script problem or simple miscasting, but Moretz never feels anything like an actual character and instead just comes off as a young actress made up to look rough. It doesn't help that she disappears for most of the movie only to turn up at the very end all cleaned up and talking up the fact that she now reads books.

I guess the sole good thing I have to say about The Equalizer is that Denzel Washington is fine. He certainly doesn't embarrass himself but it's a role he can do in his sleep at this point, though thankfully he doesn't seem to be doing so here.  Actually, there is one sequence in the film where Washington walks away from an explosion without looking back that is so silly and oddly put together by Fuqua that it actually borders on self parody, so there's that.

Overall, The Equalizer a non adaptation of the TV show on which it is based, as well as a boring and tonally confused mess of an action movie.

Lords of Dogtown

It's been almost a decade since I last watched the documentary Dogtown and Z-Boys and the subsequent feature version, Lords of Dogtown, both of which chronicle the legendary Zephyr skateboarding group that's largely credited for inventing skateboarding as we know it today. I remember liking both, especially the documentary, so when they popped up on Netflix a few weeks ago I figured now was a great time to revisit the flicks.

The documentary holds up well as an entertaining, if somewhat biased look at the group. Not a huge surprise given the fact that the films director was original Z-Boy Stacy Peralta. Either way, I enjoyed it again and was very curious to see how the feature held up.

And dudes, I was a little surprised at just how terrible it is. Filled with awful acting, hokey cameos and a tone that wants to be a lot edgier than it actually is, Lords of Dogtown is a straight up mess.

As with any adaptation of anything, things are going to change from the original property to the new one. It's just part of the deal, and usually, it makes sense. But Peralta, making his feature screenwriting debut, takes the already interesting story of these kids, and throws in every rags to riches cliche in the book. It certainly doesn't help that Peralta makes himself out to be the angel of the entire group. The only one with any kind of decency or loyalty out of the bunch, with everyone else instantly growing giant egos and seeing dollar signs upon the first sign of fame.

Of course, it's entirely possible that that's how it happened. That stuff wasn't in the documentary, but it still could have gone down that way. And besides, even if it didn't, this isn't supposed to be the documentary. This is the dramatization, meant more for entertainment than anything else. And if it had been done well, it wouldn't have bothered me, but it seems as if Peralta just added that stuff in for the sake of being dramatic as opposed to letting any of the drama feel interesting or organic to the story itself.

Ok, so having Peralta write the screenplay was a big mistake, but having director Catherine Hardwicke at the helm was not, for the most part at least. Hardwicke employed a bleached out effect to the camera work that was extremely popular in the mid-aughts for whatever reason, but it works here. Also, she makes sure the footage of these kids skating is just as accurate and fascinating as the real footage from the documentary, even going so far as to mimic some of the shots that Peralta would become famous for in his Bones Brigade skating videos. Hardwicke even assembled a who's who of young performers to star in the flick, including Heath Ledger, Emile Hirsch, Nikki Reed and Johnny Knoxville, among others. Unfortunately, this is where Hardwicke trips up a bit.


Look, I love Emile Hirsch. I think he can be a great actor. His work in Into the Wild is incredible, I'm a huge supporter of Speed Racer and his most recent work in Prince Avalanche is a hoot. But Hirsch is terrible here. He plays Jay Adams, the youngest and wildest of the bunch. The documentary does a great job conveying Adams' spirit and rambunctiousness, but in the movie Hirsch just keeps making weird faces, leaning his head back and widening his eyes. In other words, he tries really hard to be tough and crazy but just comes off as goofy.

And guys, Heath Ledger is bad in this movie. Really bad. His character, one of the founders of the Zephyr group, is seemingly nothing like he was in real life, at least in comparison to the documentary. Which, again, I wouldn't have cared if it worked in the context of the movie, but it doesn't. Heath simply made a choice and ran with it. He employs some kind of surfer dude accent, says "man" a whole lot and acts spaced out for the majority of the movie.

Now, let it be known that Heath Ledger was great. I know it, everybody knows it. And honestly, I really like it when actors make choices like Heath did here. But sometimes actors need to be reigned in, and this was one of those times. But Hardwicke is pretty absent in this instance. She doesn't seem to be able to give any real kind of direction to these actors. To be fair, a lot of the fault lies in the script. And maybe she thought that letting these kids interpret the lines their own way would help the film feel authentic to the way teenagers really talk. But what was meant to feel authentic comes off as amateurish, and a lot of the fault in that area lies with Hardwicke.


As for the tone of the movie, I get the feeling that it really wants to feel dangerous, something the documentary was successful at conveying as these kids tore though what was believed to be the limits of professional skateboarding. As you might be able to guess though, the feature film does not have a dangerous bone in its body.

Oh, I also mentioned that the film has some hokey cameos, and upon reflection that's not entirely true. A few of the original Z-boys pop up quickly in amusing cameos that only hardcore fans would be able to notice. They're fun and harmless and don't detract anything from the movie. But Tony Hawk shows up in a moment that is so *nudge nudge* *wink wink* that it's cringe inducing. I don't really have anything else to say about it, honestly. I just hated it and I needed you to know.


I haven't even gotten into the subplot about the kid with a brain tumor, and you know what, I don't think I will. Suffice it to say the movie doesn't handle it very well and decides to treat more like a joke than anything else.

Alright, well, I didn't like this movie, obviously. I'm a little surprised to find that a lot of you guys do, though. Have you all watched it recently? I can certainly see how it might have been a draw for some of you back in the day. Hell I even mentioned earlier that I remember liking it ten years ago. It has a great cast and an interesting story, it just turns out that the movie is quite terrible as opposed to good like we all thought. Don't worry guys, this isn't a holy grail film from our youth that we're terrified of ruining, it's just a really bad movie.

The Iceman

The Iceman tells the true story of Richard Kuklinski, devote family man and notorious contract killer.  Richard Kuklinski claimed to have killed over 100 people during his career. But he was a murderer with a code. No women, no children. Even if they witnessed something they shouldn't have. Michael Shannon, an already imposing dude, brings his usual intensity to the role of the titular character, but the moments where we get to see the killer as a family man above all else are what help make this bio pic just a tad more interesting than all the rest.


The film opens in the mid 60s with Kuklinski on his first date with his wife, played by Winona Ryder. The scene itself is pretty familiar, but Ryder and Shannon have a nice attraction to one another that's credible, and we get our first glimpse of how this obviously stoic man can be broken down by a good woman.

Flash forward 5 years. Shannon and Ryder are married with child, Shannon has already killed a guy outside a bar in cold blood and joins the mafia after murdering a homeless man for initiation, all within 10 minutes. I have no doubt that most of that really happened, at least to some degree, but my main beef is that director Ariel Vromen rushes through all this like he only has 90 minutes to tell this story! Which, um, I guess is true. Whatever, my point is that while Vromen is able to create an appropriately grim tone and gets good performances from his surprisingly impressive cast, it just seems that he doesn't have enough time to tell this story they way it should be told.

Kuklinski's story spans multiple decades, and while I don't believe every movie HAS to be 2+ hours, it feels like The Iceman needed at least an extra 30 minutes for it to be able to leave more of an impression.  What makes this even more troubling is how Vromen and the screenwriters spend a good chunk of time dealing with crime boss Ray Liotta and his no good friend played by a barely recognizable David Schwimmer(SCHWIMMER?!?). While it's interesting to see Schwimmer doing something so different and it's always nice to see Liotta in something decent, I really don't see the need to spend so much time on the subplot, especially when the main characters story is so interesting.

Even with all that frustration, there's still a lot of stuff that Vromen got right and makes The Iceman worth recommending. Aside from another good Michael Shannon performance, Vromen spends a good amount of time showing Kuklinski's relationship with his family and how he was able to deceive them for almost 20 years. It's easy to think that a spouse would obviously realize something wasn't right in a situation like this, and the film actually alludes to the fact that his wife might have had a suspicion that he was at least involved in something not entirely legal, but she certainly never suspected murder was involved. Kuklinski proved himself to be a loving husband and father, and the film makes a good case as to how he could have hidden his true profession for so long. And of course, it also makes his ability to kill without much remorse all the more shocking. 

Special mention must also be made that The Iceman features a GREAT performance from Chris Evans as a fellow hitman Kuklinski partners with. I'm going to be genuinely saddened if Evans really quits acting in favor of directing. Don't get me wrong, it's great that he wants to branch out, but he has gotten better with each role and I for one would seriously miss that charisma of his.

Despite its faults, The Iceman proves to be an entertaining and fascinating look into one of the most brutal killers of the 20th century. But still, with a bit more focus and perhaps a longer running time, it really could have been one of the greats.

The Expendables 3

The Expendables 3 completes Sylvester Stallone's latest self made franchise. The first film, while gloriously violent, had a surprisingly small amount of action and tricked us into thinking that Bruce and Arnold had more to do in the film than they actually did. However, The Expendables 2 fixed those problems immediately by opening with an action sequence that outdid everything in the entire first movie. The amount of action was probably about the same as the first, but what was there was much better, and then add the fact that we got the three action icons standing side by side shooting machine guns. So, you know, cool. Also, the sense of camaraderie was much more present than it was in the first film, which is surprising given the fact that these are team films. In other words, part 2 was FUN, and what it lacked in Mickey Rourke monologues and extreme violence, it made up with JCVD playing a villain named Vilain and Chuck Norris making Chuck Norris jokes.

Which brings us to The Expendables 3. Thankfully, part 3 keeps the sense of fun from its immediate predecessor while also adding much more action than any previous entry. Actually, part 3 is the most cohesive and coherent of the three, which was a nice surprise. The story is simple, the set pieces are plentiful and pretty easy to follow, and Mel Gibson is in it as the main bad guy. So yea, I had fun with this flick.

But of course, like with most films with this many stars in it, it suffers from having too many people not having much to do. This time out, Dolph Lundgren, Terry Crews, Randy Couture and once again Jet Li get the worst of it. Dolph had a lot to do in the second one, which makes his absence here all the more disappointing. Also, no Bruce this time around. He had a very public falling out with Sly and the filmmakers, so of course there are numerous jokes regarding his absence which are funny enough, but its still a shame because he was one of the few who really understood how silly these movies are and his replacement, Harrison Ford, just doesn't have the screen presence he once did.

Among new additions to the crew are Wesley Snipes, Antonio Banderas, Mel Gibson and a bunch of other young actors, boxers and MMA fighters that I don't know or care about. Snipes acquits himself well enough, though again, he doesn't have much to do. Still, it's good to see him on the big screen again. Banderas actually steals quite a bit of the movie, adding an actual sense of humor to the proceedings that isn't groan inducing or winks to the past that compiles most of the humor in these movies. I was truly reminded how good he can be, and with his awesome sentient robot movie Automata on the way, hopefully a Banderas resurgence isn't far off.

Gibson though. Gibson. I love Gibson. Every movie can benefit from more Gibson. Please, let Gibson be in more movies! His part is pretty minimal here, but he makes every second count, bringing his trademark intensity and humor to the role. He even gets a juicy monologue that rivals Rourke's from the first film. Sadly, the climatic showdown between him and Sly isn't as satisfying as it should have been. Too short and not as brutal, especially compared to his showdown with JCVD in the second one. Either way, Gibson is great in the flick, and I would really like to see more Gibson in the future.

I had wanted this review to be a little more in depth and professional, but the truth is this film isn't either of those things itself, but I will say that I had a good time watching it, and if it is indeed the last one in the series, at least it ends on a high note*.

*Sort of. After two weeks, the film is already on track to be the lowest grossing entry by a longshot, effectively guaranteeing that this is the last film. Hopefully Sly will bounce back again with Rambo V. Seriously. 

Hercules

There's a scene in Hercules where Dwayne Johnson throws a horse. The horse is running at him, then he picks it up, and he throws it.

It's an actual scene from the movie and normally one such as that would pretty much seal the deal for me. Unfortunately, such gleefully silly moments like that one are few and far between in Hercules, and instead the movie awkwardly skirts the line between campy fantasy yarn and middle of the road sword and sandal adventure.


Dwayne Johnson has a had a pretty frustrating career in film. The man is a charming mother fucker, and he's been great in The Rundown, The Fast & Furious franchise, and of course his amazing performance in Pain & Gain.  He's done some family films and comedies in between, all of which vary in terms of quality. But god damn if this guy doesn't know how to look into a camera and charm the fuck out of you. The problem though, is that Johnson has yet to really have that ONE role that really catapults him. He's done great work helping other franchises, but he deserves one to call his own.

To be honest, I never felt like Hercules was going to be the movie or character that did this for Johnson, especially with Brett Ratner at the helm, but that didn't mean it couldn't be a fun time. And what's really frustrating is that the movie often threatens to become fun. Dwayne is such a self aware performer as it is, and there are moments when you can tell he's totally open to going full camp and have fun with it. For example, immediately after he throws that horse, he turns to the camera and says " Fucking centaurs." And don't worry, that line doesn't make sense even in the context of the film itself, but I laughed and wished the film had given him more opportunities like that.


Instead, Ratner and the studio felt it a better idea to deliver a pretty standard period epic. Hercules even comes with a rag tag team included, all of whom are just as bad ass as the demigod himself, at least that's what the filmmakers tell us. We do get a few set pieces that show how their team dynamic works in battle, but it's nothing really special, with multiple shots of our heroes walking through battle and killing an enemy that was running up behind them at the last possible second. Ugh.


I guess I really wanted this movie to embrace the fantasy elements of its story. The film opens with Hercules going on his 12 labors for the gods as he fights a lion, water dragons and a giant boar, or basically all the cool shots from the trailer. Shortly after that awesome opening we find out its all just stories he used to up his street cred. So disappointing.

I had pretty low expectations for Hercules, hoping for nothing more than seeing The Rock fight imaginary creatures and yell " I. AM. HERCULES!" every five minutes. Unfortunately the movie couldn't even deliver that, instead leaving Al Swearengen himself to pick up the slack and deliver the films one rousing moment. Such a waste.


Dwayne Johnson is still the shit, though.